Rules of Engagement Tip from Pat Ferdinandi of SBDi Consulting

I have a friend that is a master storyteller. I always (and many others) accept his call because he always has a story to tell. Of course being a father of four all under the age of 16 does provide a great deal of material. But there are a lot of individuals that fit that category and can not captivate an audience.

Think about the people you know. If he can tell a story and make you smile, he always has an opportunity to speak. The stories are always personal and will make you laugh or smile. In either case, you always feel better talking with the person.

Another important point is the length of the story. None of them take more than a minute or two to tell. The topic introduction takes less than 30 seconds. If the listener is interested, the storytelling goes on to fill the minute or two. If questions are asked, the story can go into more detail and can continue on for about five minutes. That’s top.

Notice what I said. Each of his stories has three time checks.

Introduction or story headline: less than 30 seconds.

Story overview: less than 2 minutes.

Details: less than 5 minutes.

Each time check gives the listener a chance to end the discussion if they are not interested or just do not have the time to listen. That’s shows respect for the listener.

Notice that each story is personal. A personal story gives of yourself. It provides an avenue that everyone can relate to. OK, I don’t have 4 kids under the age of 16. I have, however, seen other kids and am always happy to hear about their antics.

Stories are important. They open the door for exchanging information about each other. Storytelling provides an opening of a business relationship. Storytelling builds a relationship that will last for years.

I first met my storyteller when I was the gatekeeper of a very important project. He was selling his company’s services. He could have kept it very professional, as many other competitors did, but he took an extra step to initiate a friendship. What is more important is the relationship that was initiated and has carried on through several years, several jobs, and several careers.

How well do you tell a story? Do you provide opportunities for the audience to exit? Can you even tell if they are trying to exit?

First and foremost, you must have a story to tell. A Toastmaster World Champion Speaker (one in about 500,000 contestants is awarded that title every year), Darren LaCroix recommends having a story file (more on that below). It starts with making a list of potential stories.

Your list of stories should fit these criteria:

They must be your stories. Borrowing others does not give of yourself. No one can tell a personal story better than you! Borrowing always shows. Your heart and soul can not hide the truth.

No gossiping. Those are not stories! Degrading others only degrades yourself (expressed so well by Earl Nightingale).

They are about you but it isn’t about you. A very subtle difference here. They must be personal stories to which others can relate. We are talking about the business community. Talking about how you solved something technically is NOT to be on the list. This is not the time to brag about yourself or to tell a story that builds YOUR self-esteem. This is an opportunity to build a relationship with the audience.

They must be positive. No stories that demean others or yourself. You want every listener to have a smile on their faces when they think of you.

They must be organized with a headline, overview, and details.

A pause should occur at each exit point. Count to three (in your head) between each stage. Look at the listener and see if he seems interested before continuing. Understand that it takes longer for a listener to absorb what you said then it takes for you to say it. Give him a chance to absorb and decide if he wants you to continue.

When I was preparing to go into professional speaking, I took Darren’s advice. He suggested that one compile a story file. Make a list of things and categorize them. Each story should have a title, points of interest (why would someone want to hear this story), when it could be used, how could it be used (headline, overview, detail).

Once you have this list, you will remember them when you are in any casual conversation. A casual conversation can be used during any business meeting to build a bond with someone that has a similar instance. They can be used as examples of success in other similar instances. Know stories that can be used ahead of when you may need them. It’s part of the preparation.

My friend is a natural storyteller. I’m not. However, it doesn’t mean that I can’t tell a story and build rapport with a business executive. It just takes practice. Practice every chance you get but don’t tell a story twice to the same individual. (By the way, you don’t have to say “stop me if I told this story already.” By saying that, you’ve already used up your headline and first 30 seconds. You don’t get another chance. You should be able to tell by their expression that they’ve heard it before. In New York City, they’ll interrupt and tell you immediately or just turn their backs and walk away.)

My storyteller’s company didn’t get the business (no fault of his own), but what formed was a real friendship. I still always take his calls. If I can provide names to help him with his sales, I will. He will always have the opportunity to ask because I will always take his calls. Why, because he tells great stories and always gives of himself, first.

How can you not want to build a bond with a person like that? That’s the bond you want with your entire business community because you’ll never know when they can help you in the future.

Tell good stories.

SBDi speaks both Business and IT languages. Bring SBDi in to help communication between both organizations. Let us help you find the right flexible solution that will help business increase revenue.

Pat Ferdinandi, Chief Thought Translator