Rules of Engagement Tip from Pat Ferdinandi of SBDi Consulting

You are sitting on an airplane for 2-1/2 hours waiting for the plane to be next in line for take off. Your flight is going from New York to Singapore (approx. 21 hour flight). Who would you like to be sitting next to?

I would imagine that you would like someone that is intelligent, polite, respectful, and good humored. After so many hours waiting to take off, I suspect that intelligence would no longer be your first priority. Polite, respectful and good humored would be more valued traits.

Now, imagine if that person sitting next to you for that very long flight was your business partner. How comfortable do you feel being next to that person? What would you talk about? What do you know about your partner?

Conversation is a lost art. Yet conversation is the only way to initiate a relationship, especially with the business community. Good conversation builds a connection on an emotional level. It creates the type of relationship that keeps you in the loop on new business initiatives or allows you to call during their busy time and get answers to your questions.

How well do you know your business partner?

What is their favorite food?

Where did they grow up?

What college did they graduate from?

What ages are their kids?

What kind of pet do they own?

If you don't know the answer to these questions, don't eMail, IM or leave them a voicemail. Using modern communication methods allows you to talk AT someone instead of WITH someone. That's the problem. Talking AT someone over and over again erodes any opportunity to build a relationship. You will become just like every other technologist to them.

Think about your current relationship with the business community. How much do you talk WITH your business community? Your answer is either "not at all" or "not enough!"

Actually try to find the answers above on your own. Look around the office, what mementos do they have? What pictures are displayed? Are there any certifications hanging on their office wall? Look and take notice. It shows that you are paying attention and are interested in THEM. Oh, here's a thought … GOOGLE THEM before your meeting. [By the way, Google yourself, your business community is!]

Who me? But I've built the snazziest web application using the most complicated XML code. It has all these wonderful bells and whistles using Flash. Sorry smarty-pants, intellectual superiority contests never work. Your goal is to build rapport, not show off.

It is YOUR responsibility to initiate a conversation. Start with a personal, emotional level comment (not story). "Oh, my kid had a recital last night. I'm always amazed at what kids have access to that I didn't at their age. Do you have any kids?"

Notice the interchange. You offered something personal about yourself. You opened the door to more questions by stating something that lets the others find a common ground. They may not have kids, but they can remember what it was like being of a certain age in school. After only two sentences, the ball was handed to THEM to communicate All you have to do is LISTEN.

Think about it in terms of yourself. You showed that you were respectful by giving the other person something to relate to and be included in the discussion. You showed you were good humored by talking about something light. You actually showed your intelligence-- your emotional intelligence. You initiated a conversation that wasn't about a problem or work.

You may have found something in common. What you learned about the business person is something you both will remember. Any future conversation can begin from that reference point (how did your kid do at...). It puts both of you in a good mood and in a friendly tone.

But Pat, I don't have one-on-one contact with the person.

Oh, yes you do! It may not be face-to-face but you have other options. This can be done on the telephone, video conference, eMail, and IM. As long as you follow the formula: Give of your personal self. Set a stage for a personal connection. LET THEM RESPOND while YOU LISTEN (or read).

It takes creativity. That shouldn't be a problem for you. After all, you were creative enough to make the snazziest web application using flash. Now it's time to use your creativity to build a relationship with your business community.

Oh, since you are already on the computer…start by GOOGLING their name. Check them out on the social networks (e.g. LinkedIn.com or Zoominfo.com). Imagine their surprise when you say, "Hey, I saw that you won an award for …" It shows you came prepared, showed an interest in them, and you initiated a friendly conversation. This simple gesture will separate you from the commodity? of other techies.

Let's bring this home with one of my favorite quotes from one of my favor mentors, Jeffrey Gitomer (www.Gitomer.com):

All things being equal, people want to do business with their friends.

All things NOT being so equal, people STILL want to do business with their friends.

Post the quote up on your cubical wall. Read it every time you look at your paycheck. Business relationships keep you employed and get you assigned to the fun projects.

Here's one final question. You are sitting on an airplane, waiting for the plane to take off for your 21 hour flight. Is your business partner happy or upset that they are stuck next to you?

Start practicing your conversation skills. Uncover at least three topics that you can use as a relationship builder.

Be creative in finding commonality with a business partner.

SBDi speaks both Business and IT languages. Bring SBDi in to help communication between both organizations. Let us help you find the right flexible solution that will help business increase revenue.

Pat Ferdinandi, Chief Thought Translator